Self-made Adventure I'd Like Thoughts On

[SirWillTheOkay]

Hi! I'm working on making more silly/fun adventures for WFRP, and I've got one in a decent state though it's not polished yet.
I can't make it to playtesting for another 2 three weeks in my life, so if you'd like to take a look, provide feedback, even run it and offer criticism, I'm open!
You can find it here: https://sirwilltheokay.itch.io/le-clogs-de-breton.
All feedback welcome.

[Orin J.]

this adventure is groaningly stupid. that's not criticism, i'm just observing the goal set for the adventure is met.

far more importantly (and less smugly), the adventure is at no point written with proper direction for the GM to execute the scenes. you clearly know what your goal is (and i'm making a mighty effort not to judge you for that) but you need to concern yourself with making sure the game master understands properly what he's getting at you make the scenes go smoothly, and not simply assume that whoever reads it will pick up what you imply with the direction tossed out. stupid is fine, but stupid and confusing adventures are no fun for anyone (except people trying to make the group go back to playing D&D, and who wants those people to win?)

[SirWillTheOkay]

Thanks! I can work on clarifying the words, but do you have an example of how it can be better organized?

[Orin J.]

the bits of the adventure where the players have something to do are generally organized as though you, the writer, are telling them directly and understand what's going on. regardless of that being true, the adventure will be read by the person running the adventure who then has to explain what you meant to the players in a way that they can act on. your method of writing generally just waves everything on without context to where the party is relative to events and what they're doing.

unfortunately while this is the correct level of respect for the average party of adventurers in bretonnia, you are unfairly leveraging it against the gamemaster who has already taken up the poor job of running your campaign. i'd suggest giving your adventure a read from the persepctive of someone that didn't read it and noting areas to clean up, as i honestly don't want to put that much work in myself right now when i have no players to inflict this nonsense on.

[SirWillTheOkay]

Alright, thanks!